Bob Kraft throwing up the Roc? Bob Kraft throwing up the Roc. Please visit RapRadar if you would like to see more photos of what must have been the most Drakkar-scented party ever. [RapRadar]

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Sean will join you for the hockey and related matters in a few. Talk down here.

Kerry Rhodes is awfully tired of people thinking he's gay. So tired, evidently, that he has claimed paternity of Kim Kardashian's just-born daughter.

Although we haven't attended to it in two months or so, "Hollywood" Simpson, the former boyfriend of free-agent NFL safety Kerry Rhodes, has been releasing photos of their gay life together, apparently in hopes that Rhodes will acknowledge him. Some photos came out, Rhodes said he was straight, and then more photos came out. The latest batch, released last week, included the two on horseback (Hollywood calls them "the black Brokeback Mountain") and in bed together. Rhodes has no choice but to up the ante.

Here's Bossip:

Kerry Rhodes refuses to sashay out the closet. The alleged gay baller has recently been forwarding a text message to his NFL buddies claiming to have fathered Kim Kardashian’s baby girl. The message reads:

Man this could be my baby!! I was fu**ing her the same time as K.West was lol!!!

The text message itself is fairly self-explanatory—the bawdy talk coupled with the self-defeating overcompensation of "lol!!!"—and so we're more interested in the list of "Rhodes's NFL buddies." Who's on this list? Everyone he's played with before? Did John Skelton get this text? And what did John Skelton do upon receiving this text? We'll stay tuned.

Down-Low Baller Kerry Rhodes Says He Knocked Up Kimmy Cakes Because He And Yeezy Were Smashing At The Same Dayum Time! [Bossip]

It has not been a great few years for hygiene at the stadia of the American League West. Earlier this year, a Houston Astros vendor pooped next to his snowcones. Before that, rats scurried all over Angel Stadium. (And, oh god, let us not forget the bees. So many bees.) And now a scourge has hit poor, unloved O.co Coliseum in Oakland.

The Mariners and Athletics wound up using the same locker room—the Raiders'—after yesterday's game. Why? Here's the Associated Press:

The pipes backed up on the lower levels of the stadium during Oakland's 10-2 victory, creating a stink and pools of water in the clubhouses used by both teams and the umpires. ...

Coliseum officials said the six-day homestand, which drew 171,756 fans, overtaxed the plumbing system at the 47-year-old stadium.

Several Mariners left without showering. Towels were used to block sewage from running into the players' general dressing area.

(Suddenly we remember why it is essential that sportswriters have locker-room access.)

But while the A's and related parties are undoubtedly annoyed by the stink filling their clubhouse and related spaces, anger isn't all they're feeling: The fetid mess makes a better case for a new stadium than a brilliant public speaker ever could. About the team's need for better digs, the A's president told the San Francisco Chronicle, “It’s clear, right? This isn’t the first time this has happened.”

But Cisco Field, the Athletics' proposed publicly financed new home in San Jose, will not open until 2017 at the earliest—if it gets built at all, which it probably won't. All of which is to say that the team'll have to turn sewage-flooded clubhouses into a market inefficiency. And, judging from the words of reliever Sean Doolittle, they're well on their way!

After I checked out the new swimming pool in our locker room I got to see the Raiders clubhouse! Pretty cool! #CommitmentToExcellence

— Sean Doolittle (@whatwouldDOOdo) June 17, 2013

TV announcers don't describe games for the blind; that's a radio man's job.

I said this in my little Jack Edwards post, but national sports media will always have a steady supply of Mike Tiricos, Chris Myerses, and Spero Dedeses, mercenary "professionals" who never fail to instruct us that these games aren't nearly as fun as we think they are. The Emricks and Scullys, true believers who pass all that along to us, are in regrettably short supply.

Welcome back to Dead Letters,

Subject: Jordan Baker

From: Michael Gumbs
To: Jack Dickey

Jack Dickey,

Listen clearly-you're a piece of shit and your story on the umpire Jordan Baker was trash. If I was your boss I'd fire your sorry ass. Jordan Baker will be in the big's for years to come and you will probably not even be a writer in a few years...you'll be reduced to a shitty blog, sitting in your moms basement digging up trash. You dont even know anything about him yet you call him a wierdo and say that he cant make calls...do you watch baseball everyday? I know you dont you scumbag!

I wish you nothing but the very worst from here on out. You arent a journalist...youre just a fucking waste of life.

Michael

Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android

Subject: fuck you Belichick

From: bostonbadass
To: Drew Magary

you really are a DICK HEAD.

money says he probly never makes the team.

Another patriot HATER LOOSER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Subject: Editor

From: Colin Gilbert
To: Tommy Craggs

I'm curious if you are interested in a postion in janitorial services. Clearly, you are used to handling shit all day long. Editor. Ha. That is a hilarious title. I imagine its more like "Day Care Supervisor" for the knuckleheads around you who probably consider themsevles writers.

"Hey, Boss. I have a youbtube clip of some poor people fighting and a nine word write up. Can you edit this for me?"

Idiot Blogger - "Hey craggs, did you edit Drew's new non-zombie book?"
Craggs - "No, I haven't even read it.
Idiot Blogger - "Me neither."

Get a life.

Regards,
Zorro

Subject: Hey

From: Matt Seelinger
To: The Staff

You guys suck!

Matthew J. Seelinger

Subject: Re: Write us!

From: hg fdf
To: The Staff

Put the lotion in the basket.

Subject: tip

From: Steve Sasssmith
To: The Staff

here's a tip: stop asking people to do your work for you.

i suspect you're splashing that everyday because the tips have begun to dry up. ya'll are lazy as fuck at your easy ass job, and goodwill, my dear friends, surely has its limits

[Ed. note: We love reader mail. It powers features like this one! We post those blips with some regularity because the redesign makes it much harder for readers to find our email addresses or the tips line. Speaking of the redesign ...]

Subject: Your site stinks

From: Gabe Maciolek
To: The Staff, Gabe's friends

I used to log onto your site a dozen times a day. Now with the new format, that was cut in half. Now that I discovered barstool, I log on maybe once a day. Way to go morons. Way to ruin a great thing. Discuss.

Sent from my iPhone

[Ed. note: You may remember our correspondent from such emails as "Deadspin blows."]

Subject: Thank you

From: Gabe Maciolek
To: The Staff

....For letting me log onto barstool. Blows your newly formatted website out of the water. Discuss...

Sent from my iPhone

From: Tommy Craggs
To: Gabe Maciolek, The Staff

=(

From: Gabe Maciolek
To: Tommy Craggs, The Staff

Seriously though, all these soccer updates??? The articles that you keep at the top of the page for days that nobody cares about??? Be honest, you know you're getting more complaints now then ever, right? Your new format really sucks. And please, the simple picture with the discuss option, how many people actually discuss that? Or even click the topic???

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: Order

From: David Holder
To: The Staff

To whom it may concern ,

My name is Mr David Holder and i am in contact with you regarding ( Horse Chain ) , can you kindly get back to me with some types you have and the price for each . Do you accept credit card as a form of payment .

Waiting for your prompt reply .

Mr David Holder

Dead Tweets

4 years later....must be a slow news day

— Brooke Hundley (@BrookeHundley) June 6, 2013

Despite the steel-colored hellstorms that have consumed most of the northeastern United States during the past week, the U.S. Open did begin today, albeit with a few rain delays here and there. And thank heavens that it did. Because this happened.

And this was hilarious. Not to mention a nice catch:

H/T Patrick.

Is Seahawks coach Pete Carroll a 9/11 truther? That all depends: Does badgering a former four-star general about whether 9/11 was real make one a truther?

Here's what happened, according to a couple sources: Late last spring, retired general Peter Chiarelli, who had just finished his term as the Army's vice chief of staff, visited Carroll at the Seattle Seahawks headquarters. Chiarelli was expecting a pleasant meeting. After all, the pair had what important businesspeople tend to call synergies: Chiarelli—who grew up in Seattle—is a big Seahawks fan. His post-military work concerns traumatic brain injury research, a cause of some significance to the NFL. And both have plenty of experience leading groups of men on grand American stages.

The sit-down between Chiarelli and Carroll started off normally enough. They talked about the team, and then about head trauma. Chiarelli, who commanded the American forces in Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom II, talked about the brain injuries he had seen there. But Chiarelli's mention of Iraq sent Carroll in another direction: He wanted to know if the September 11 attacks had been planned or faked by the United States government.

In particular, Carroll wanted to know whether the attack on the Pentagon had really happened. Chiarelli—who was the top-ranking Army official inside the Pentagon when American Airlines Flight 77 crashed into its western side—explained that it had. He said he had lost many colleagues. But Carroll didn't stop there. He ran through the whole 9/11 truther litany.

"Every 9/11 conspiracy theory you can think of, Pete asked about," said Riki Ellison, the former NFL linebacker who now runs the Missile Defense Advocacy Alliance and introduced Carroll to Chiarelli. Ellison, along with Seahawks offensive line coach Pat Ruel, was at the meeting as well. "And he didn't stop at 9/11—he had lots of questions about the role of the military today." (Carroll does seem to have some fondness for the military. He lectured at a military-sponsored "conference on small unit excellence" in 2009, and last year Ellison connected him with Army soldiers at Camp Carroll in Korea.)

Carroll isn't crazy, Ellison said. He's just skeptical. "Pete grew up in California during Vietnam, and during Watergate. That's just the perspective he brings to the table."

So did the discussion last year turn hostile? A source close to Chiarelli, one who wasn't present when he spoke to Carroll, told us that it did. He said the general had to leave the room because Carroll had rankled him so thoroughly. Ellison told us that that wasn't true, that the discussion had remained friendly and "fun" throughout. A spokesman for Chiarelli at his foundation, One Mind for Research, did not respond to repeated phone and email requests.

Ellison said Carroll did only what anyone else would do: "Pete had a four-star general in the room, one of the army's top guys. Why wouldn't you push the envelope?"

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Greg will be joining you shortly for pucks and yuks. Talk down here.

It was just a glimmering possibility back in October, but it's real now—the Dodgers and Diamondbacks will open the 2014 season next March with a two-game series at Australia's Sydney Cricket Grounds (above). Yes, those Dodgers and Diamondbacks. It'll be the first-ever regular-season game played in Australia, and the first non-Japan, non-North-America regular-season game, too. Exciting!

We are looking forward to down-under Vin Scully, to Kirk Gibson's inevitably horrifying hunting spoils from the bush, and to Zack Greinke's face the first time he is made to try Vegemite. This will be a fun trip.

But the Australians may have been sold a bit of a bill of goods on the game, to judge by what's printed in the Daily Telegraph:

"This is a significant win for Sydney and again delivers on my election commitment to bring major events to NSW. It's estimated the matches will deliver a $13 million benefit for the local economy, as well as attract visitors from interstate and overseas," Premier Barry O'Farrell said.

[New South Wales] will be showcased to an estimated global TV household audience of up to 168 million, including 75 million in the US.

$13 million AUS is a lot of money! (Based on current exchange rates, approximately $12.4 million US.) Two baseball games—even two baseball games feverishly anticipated by locals bored of rugby and cricket and bastardized football—probably cannot fetch that kind of dough for the local economy, no matter what kind of multiplier they use down there. And 75 million American viewers (plus 93 million abroad) for a pair of very-early-morning NL West games in March? Yeah, no. Perhaps the premier means that 75 million Americans will have the chance to watch the games, which is an impressive figure all the same, except for that far more Americans have the chance to watch The Steve Wilkos Show.

But the scam New South Wales might be facing should not temper our enjoyment of this splendid thing. Heck, the Daily Telegraph headline calls the series MLB's "curtain-raiser," and the body text mentions "a bit of biff" in reference to last night's brawl. Just wait until the Aussie press corps discovers Yasiel Puig.

Sydney Cricket Ground to host $13 million US baseball curtain-raiser [Daily Telegraph]

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Greg will join you for the basket action tonight—talk down here.

Jets center Nick Mangold wore a fútbol-style headband today in solidarity with Mark Sanchez. He's got the hair for it. [@KristianRDyer | Twitter]

There are some things Jaromir Jagr is unmistakably great at. Playing hockey, for instance—which Jagr does especially well, even now, at the age of 41. When he puts his hips out and leans forward, with his body between the defender and the puck, no one can dream of filching possession. He may have been the greatest post-Gretzky forward.

There are also some things Jaromir Jagr is unmistakably bad at, paying taxes among them. But we're here to talk about his hair. The homegrown-Davy-Crockett-hat mullet tarnished his first few years in Pittsburgh. He got things semi-together late in his career, but not together enough to prevent this devilish thing from happening.

Thanks to this year's deep Bruins playoff run—his first trip to the Stanley Cup finals since 1992—Jagr had a chance to put together a real playoff beard. And it is not so great. It's David Ortiz's chinstrap, minus Ortiz's soft jawline and dark skin, which make that particular beard work in the first place. Now that Jagr has shaved off all the stubble and dyed what was left (see the photo from today; right), the thing looks glued on. It reminds one of the beard belonging to late TV pitchman Billy Mays.

It's not concordant with the spirit of playoff hockey. But it is quintessentially Jagr, so much so that he defended his style choices at the team's press conference today:

Jaromir Jagr just predicted that mullets like he used to have in the 90's will come back in style.

— Chris Johnston (@reporterchris) June 11, 2013

Jaromir Jagr said he dyed the grey out of his beard. "You've got to look tough."

— Chris Johnston (@reporterchris) June 11, 2013

The games start Wednesday. That is, if they haven't started already.